I want to be what I want to be (circular in all)

I want to start smoking so I can stop thinking about how once I would.
I want to be Mexican so I can speak Spanish in Los Angeles and not be ignored.
I want to move to Italy because it isn’t a home.
I want to move to New Zealand because it seems nice.
I want to move to Chile because I’m in love.
I want to have health care so I can justify being unemployed.
I want to stop the ceaseless beating of my own heart only so that I can hear my lungs.
I want to change things so my life will not stay the same.
I want to do something different that will bring me security.
I want to travel so I can have a valid reason to not live near most of my friends.
I want stop making excuses for drinking alone.
I want security in something that makes me feel good.
I want the people below me to stop crying and slamming doors.
I want to be myself and start doing what I have no ability in.
I want to quit feeling like I want to start smoking again.